Abandoned
by Roselina4389
Summary: When Severus finds out that one-year old Harry Potter has been shipped off to an orphanage by his relatives, it angers him. Who would of thought he would actually adopt the baby? But Snape is only doing it for Lily. Will he ever love Harry for who he *is* despite the dark history? As grudges and hatred surface, Severus tries to find good in Harry. Baby!fic. Dark.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: **Um, this plot bunny had been haunting my mind for a while so here's my work-Hope you enjoy it. I got inspired by a story called "Harry and A Daddy" in which Snape rescues Harry from the abusing Dursleys. Though I have a different plot (something about an orphange) I liked the thought that Snape did something without any prompting from Dumbledore. Characters might be a little OOC. Hope that's not too unsettling.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

PROLOGUE

"That cannot be, how can that be?" Dumbledore demanded. "Are you quite sure, Minerva?"

"I'm afraid I'm quite certain, Headmaster. When I went to check on little Harry Potter to you know, see if he's settled in fine and all, like you asked, he wasn't even there! I interrogated the Muggles and all they told me was that they couldn't bother with '_our' _problems and had shipped the baby off to an orphanage!" Professor McGonagall stated. "I had a right mind to deal with them right that moment but I had to alert you with the present circumstances immediately."

"I would never of known," Dumbledore looked tired, broken. "I thought Petunia would of understood,"

"What do you suppose we do, Dumbledore? I _had_ told you that night that I didn't approve of the settlement, myself. I had a feeling something disagreeable as such would occur soon,"

"Well, first we must go check on the boy. Bring him here. Alas, poor child-the mere age of one and so many losses..."

"But Dumbledore," McGonagall said in a hard voice. "We cannot just take the child from the Orphanage, like that. We have to adopt him or the Muggle authorities will not allow us to-"

"I understand," Dumbledore's face grew older, graver. He paused, sagely. "Minerva, please notify Severus to come up here for a moment."

"You aren't thinking of making _him _adopt the boy, are you?" McGonagall demanded, suddenly anxious.

"Of course not, Minerva. But it will be good to inform him with all that has happened."

"Are you quite sure of that?" McGonagall was sceptic. Snape had just joined the school staff, and she didn't quite trust him yet. All Dumbledore had told her was that Severus Snape was a reformed person and that he had an excellent reason to trust the man. But calling him at a situation like this...?

"Quite sure," Dumbledore said, firmly.

McGonagall pursed her lips disapprovingly, and went to call the Potions Master.

X-ABANDONED-X

It had only been a few days after Lily's death, the death of his love... And Dumbledore had implored him to take up the Potions Master post after Slughorn resigned from grief. It had been an inhumane thing to do. Lily had just died and he had no patience to deal with incompetent children.

After McGonagall called Severus Snape, the black-cloaked, grief-stricken man followed her lead into the Headmaster's office.

He had been irritable and impatient, unsure of what had arisen this time.

When he had reached the office and was seated, Snape had to listen to a mournful Dumbledore explaining the circumstances.

Apparently the Potter brat had been dumped in an orphanage by his dear, loving relatives and was in constant danger because of the blood wards and all of that nonsense. Snape was only worried about the fact that Lily wouldn't of sacrificed herself for only child just so he could stay at an orphanage.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" Snape asked, trying to get to the point. "Could you not take him?"

"I cannot father the boy, Severus. I am too old. And I doubt it will be very effective for a Headmaster's adoptive child to attend Hogwarts-assuming I am still in the post till that time-" Dumbledore began.

"Of course you'll be," Minerva contradicted. "And I am too busy-though I _could_ raise him as a favour to James and Lily if needed..." She shot a glance at Dumbledore, half-apologetic, half-anxious.

"No pressure, Minerva," Dumbledore said, kindly. "Before we decide this, it will be wise to check on the boy." Dumbledore shot a look at Snape, unsure whether the man could or would take the responsibility of raising Harry. There were too many grudges and hard feelings at the moment.

"Will you accompany us, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape growled, inwardly. Well-why not? He was to be dragged into all this eventually.

"I suppose," Snape sighed. Just to check on him...for Lily's sake.

"Then go, Severus," Dumbledore smiled. "Let's see what you make of him,"


	2. Chapter One

**Author's Note: **I'm really nervous about this fic. One minute and it can collapse-a plotless story. It is SO different from my other story _Cherished._ In that, the Dursleys abuse Harry and Minerva rescues him and Snape takes him in. Snape seems to have a big house somewhere, instead of Spinner's End and it's a fluffy story with cutesy reactions. This is a much darker story and 'cutesy' doesn't exactly cut it. I couldn't believe how many followers I got when I posted the Prologue. Sorry for taking so much time to update. Here's the first chapter :) I'm quite happy with it-though I'm nervous if you guys will like it. I know where I'm going with this. _  
_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER ONE

_St. Charles Oprhanage. _The mere look of the place was dismal. It was pretty badly-kept for nun's standard. The exterior was gloomy and chipped. It felt more like a prison than an orphanage.

Snape stared at it, brow furrowed. Was the Potter brat actually here? He turned to look at McGonagall, who had accompanied him. She was looking slightly uncomfortable but she had shot him an approving nod when he had said that he was going to be coming too. Dumbledore, however, had strangely enough backed out and announced it would be better if only the two of them go. _He _was going to have a long discussion with the Dursleys. McGonagall had found that an utterly useless thing to do. They'd never take Harry back, she wouldn't allow it in the first place. They didn't care for the boy, they would neglect him horribly._  
_

The two of them walked inside, and after McGonagall talked to someone they were allowed to enter the Orphanage. Snape flinched inwardly at the hopeless and mournful expressions of the children. Striding as quickly as he could, he reached the upstairs dorm where he heard wailing.

He groaned. He did _not _want to enter a room full of wailing babies.

McGonagall stopped behind him. "Go on, Severus. Harry must be in that room."

"I-" Snape looked desperately at the door, then sighed. "Alright."

He pushed open the door to see a whitewashed, ill-kept room full of dirty cots. Most of the cots were inhabited. A maid sat at the far corner, seemingly resting,while a baby in her arms pummelled her buttons.

The nun followed behind Minerva, looking apprehensively at their robes. At the left side of the room, inside a brown cot, sat a heart-broken baby sobbing. He had messy dark hair which was sticking up, just like his father...Snape glowered at him bitterly, as he walked nearer to him. He saw the thin, red lightning scar on his forehead, with a jostle of fear. And then he saw his eyes. Big, orb-like, bright green. Lily's eyes. Lily's beautiful emerald eyes on this boy. For just a second, Snape forgot that this was Potter's spawn. He stared down at him, feeling his eyes sting. Lily was dead...She had died just a few days ago...All because of him-

"A beauty," McGonagall sounded close to tears. "Poor child. Just _look_ at the awful condition of this place. How will he cope? How can the son of Lily and James live _here?"_

Snape didn't reply. Slowly, as if in a dream, he reached out a hand to feel the boy's cheeks, wipe some tears out of the green eyes. The baby screamed louder. "Mama! Waaaaa!"

"You can pick him up, if you want..." The nun said, trembling.

Snape ignored her, pretended not to have heard. He wasn't holding this James-Potter-look-a-like in his arms. He never would.

XXXXX

Snape didn't know what he felt. Lily would of wanted him to take care of her child, to protect him. Or would she of protested him not ten kilometres within the baby?

He had to make it up to her...But on the other hand, he couldn't rock the child of his childhood nemesis to sleep either.

Something stirred in Snape when he arrived back at the office, in front of Dumbledore. The man kept staring at him, as if expecting him to say something. Say he would adopt the boy. Or something helpful of the sort.

Would he? Would he do this? For...for Lily? Even if he was not going to pay attention to the brat, he could still keep him in...The least he could do.

"I-..." Snape scowled. "I could take care of the child for the time-being Dumbledore,"

The old man turned to look at him, pride and surprise both on his face. "Excellent decision, Severus. After all he is Lily's-"

"I know." Snape said, curtly. He didn't know what had made him say it. He was an idiot, a fool. It was a mercy that he was alone in the office with only Dumbledore. Minerva had gone to her office to recover.

"Take it easy, Severus. Are you sure you want to take the responsibility?"

Snape looked at the floor, downcast. "I..."

"Tell you what," Dumbledore said, kindly. "Why don't I give you a day to think? You can tell me your final decision tomorrow,"

Snape looked up at him, grateful. "I'll think about it...and let you know tomorrow." He said. "But," Snape said, firmly. "This does not mean that I will most definitely take him in. It is just a suggestion," He frowned. "Nor will I _enjoy_ keeping him with me,"

"Of course. The final choice is yours, Severus. If you are willing, keep him. If not...we'll just have to find someone else, I suppose,"

XXXXX

That night Severus went to sleep with dark circles under his eyes. He had still not made a decision. Half of him didn't want to adopt Potter. The other half...

He had no experience of child-caring, nor did he enjoy the company of children. It all just came down to Lily's love. And he still wasn't sure if she'd want him to take her child or not.

Feeling desperate and awful, Snape postponed checking the essays and after a nightcap, chose to sleep. His eyes felt heavy as he closed them. One minute he was thinking about the whole ordeal, and poor Potter crying in the dirty cot in the orphanage, and the next he was fast asleep.

He had a strange dream.

He was sitting on a bench, a bench in the middle of a desolate clearing. He was staring at the green ground, lost in thought. And then he looked up and saw swirling white mist... White mist edging towards him. A soft voice, a voice he could barely make out, was floating through the air.

_"Severus,"_

Snape frowned. The clearing around him suddenly seemed to have gotten a lake, a blue, shimmering lake. There were two swings in the background. It looked vaguely familiar...

A mist formed into a slightly more solid figure-all Severus could make out was dark red hair and green eyes.

And then he awoke with a start. Panting and breathing heavily, Snape summoned some water and drank it, breathing slightly heavily.

Lily had just died. It was just a dream of remembrance. He had just been thinking about her...

And suddenly, Snape's mind was made. He had to adopt Potter. He had to. Lily Evans had not sacrificed her life for nothing.

XXXXX

Classes were a nightmare. He was in a foul mood throughout.

"You! Stop smirking in that insolent way!" Snape barked to a smiling Gryffindor in the corridor, who was looking vaguely suspicious and mischievous. "Twenty points from Gryffindor,"

The student gaped. "But-"

"Would you like a detention too?"

The student shook his head and rushed away. Snape sneered at his retreating figure.

So, you get the gist. During the last class of the day, Severus was so agitated he assigned a detention to a Ravenclaw for no apparent reason.

While making a first-year Hufflepuff cry, Snape wondered how long it would take for all the classes to end.

Once his burden was over, he headed at once to the Headmaster's office. After snapping a quick. "Gummy worms," he climbed up the spiral staircase, and knocked at the door urgently.

"Come in,"

Snape opened the door and entered the office, his black robes billowing behind him.

"Ah-Severus, have a seat,"

Snape sat, sulkily. He looked awful and deathly pale and Dumbledore wondered what was the matter.

"Would you like a lem-"

"No."

"But I-"

"No. This isn't the time for your ridiculous Muggle sweets, Dumbledore!"

"Well, it's your own loss then. So-have you made your decision?"

"I...I have thought about it," Snape did not meet the twinkling blue eyes but kept staring at Fawkes who was at the corner of the table, the Phoenix ruffling it's feathers.

"And?" Dumbledore prompted.

"I have decided...for the time being...I will take Potter in. But-" Snape glared at Dumbledore, suddenly ferocious. "I will not be doing so for long. As soon as he is old enough I will let him go. He must never know about-about-"

"Your love for Lily Evans?" Dumbledore said, quietly.

Snape looked so dangerous, it was odd Dumbledore was not melting on the spot. "He must not know anything. I am doing this for her. I will protect him while he is young. But once...once I think he may be able-"

"What you are saying, Severus, is that you will care for the boy while he is weak and vulnerable but then abandon him when he is old enough? Just so he can never know the best of you?"

Snape did not reply. He simply stared at the Headmaster.

"Do you think it will be easy for a child to forget his guardian-his adoptive father?"

"I will not be his father!" Snape bellowed, furious. "The-the adoption is a necessary deed I must perform to protect him, but it does not mean I actually care for-"

"Leaving you will be hard for him, once he is grown up." Dumbledore said.

"I assure you he won't have developed any affectionate feelings for me by then," Snape sneered. "I have made my decision. I just need your consent."

"You have it, my boy." Dumbledore looked grave, knowing and stern. "Do what you must. Adopt Harry Potter."

Snape took a deep breath. "When-"

"There is still a while till school ends. I suggest you go the week before Christmas. You two will have lots of time to bond over the winter holidays,"

XXXXX

It was six weeks or so when Harry got to be taken out of his Orphanage Prison. During those six weeks, documents were signed and rules were read. It didn't take long. Snape was reluctant and tetchy while signing the adoption papers. He didn't even sign properly, he was in such a state. He didn't understand how everything worked and Dumbledore had had to help. Finally, when he had a legal right of Harry, Dumbledore wanted to have a word with him.

"...Sure you're up to this, Severus?"

"It does not matter now. It has been done,"

"Where is Harry?"

"He's in my quarters. Sleeping. I have ordered a house elf to tend to him."

Dumbledore looked closely at Snape's sunken, dark eyes-his tired, miserable expression.

"Why did you make the decision, Severus?" Dumbledore's tone was kind, warm. His blue eyes twinkled.

"Excuse me?"

"What you did was exceedingly brave. What prompted you?"

Snape stared down at the table. "I am certain that you know," he muttered after a silence.

Dumbledore smiled at him in a fatherly sort of way and Snape cringed. "I am not weak," he said in a stronger voice. "I am not one to dwell on sad memories forever..."

He stared straight at Dumbledore, frowning.

"No-but you have feelings-like all human beings. And these feelings help to drive you towards what is right." Dumbledore said, quietly. "Let us go check on Harry, Severus. He should meet his adoptive fa-" stopping at the look Snape gave him, he amended cheerfully "His guardian."

XXXXX

The boy was awake when they got there. He was covered in a blue cloth, lying on a transfigured bed with crib-like borders on either side. He was staring quietly up at the ceiling, tears dripping from his eyes and when he saw Dumbledore-and skulking behind him, Snape-he let out a frightened whimper.

Dumbledore looked down at him and picked him up while the house elf backed away, nervously.

"Harry Potter," he smiled at the baby calmly. The child began to cry in a soft, heart-broken voice, squirming, pale tears coursing out of those emerald eyes.

"Oh dear. Severus, why don't you-" Dumbledore looked behind him.

"No."

"What-?"

"I will not touch him,"

Dumbledore looked shocked. "Excuse me? And what am I to think of that, Severus?-"

"He is James Potter's son. I have kept him in, and I will feed him and protect him. That is all I am willing to do."

Dumbledore looked at him, sharply. "Severus, that is NOT how you treat a child! I refuse to let him be neglected-"

"He will not be neglected," Snape's voice was uncertain, but coldly firm.

Dumbledore sighed. "Please come here, Severus,"

Snape scowled, then slowly stood beside the man.

The baby in Dumbledore's arms kept crying, kicking it's little feet. Snape thought that he was quite spoilt already.

But then Dumbledore suddenly thrust Harry into _his_ arms and Snape nearly let go of the boy. "Dumbledore you!-" Snape snarled but Dumbledore stepped away.

"Severus, please." He urged.

Snape scowled and glared at him, sending several murderous looks as the son of Potter lay in his arms. For some reason, there was no more crying.

Harry looked up at him, eyes watering but his mouth shut. He looked vaguely interested in the man and sniffled, silently.

"Ah," Dumbledore smiled. "He likes you already,"

"THIS IS _NOT _FUNNY!"

Harry winced at the loud voice, and whimpered. He began crying a little and Snape scowled as he had to rock the boy to calm him down.

"That's enough, you spoilt brat-silence!" He was growing more and more frustrated but the moment he cried 'silence' in his sharp voice, Harry suddenly stopped.

The baby stared up at him, surprised. It frowned and stuck out it's lip. "Nooo," it cried, chokily and indistinctly. The tears still flowed down.

"Take him home today, Severus. When the students leave for christmas, you go too. Make Harry familiar with his new surroundings. This will be a very new experience for him. He has just lost his parents and their memory is probably still afresh in his mind-"

"I understand," Snape growled. He glared down at the baby in his arms. Harry, strangely enough, had fallen asleep, probably in tiredness.

And one of the tiny fists was clutching his sleeve.

XXXXX

When they arrived at Spinner's End, Harry didn't stop crying. He didn't like his surroundings. Or anything about the dark, dusty house. He was dumped on a small bed in a dim room and then the door was slammed shut, the tall, dark-haired man who made him wonder, scowling at him as if he hated him.

Harry wailed and wailed for attention and help but no one came. Only when it was dark and his throat was hoarse, did someone enter the room. He could hardly see who it was and was half-asleep. The tall, dark-haired man picked him up with a look of loathing and contempt on his face, and took him somewhere.

"Mm.. Mmm..." Harry clutched at the black robed chest, whining. "Unnhh, mm.."

"You will be staying here, Potter," Snape said tightly, as they entered a room. It was small and dismal but it was clear that the man had done his best-there was a chipped cot in one corner and a dull rug on the floor. A window was right beside the cot and there was a wardrobe into the wall, though empty.

He gingerly put the baby into the cot and Harry tried to sit up. He stared at Snape, tears burning in the green orbs and a pouty expression on his lips. "Mmmm...Muma, _muma."_

Snape glared at him, hatred clear on his face. "She's gone, Potter. Gone because of you. Are you happy? Happy that she sacrificed herself for filth like you..." He shook his head. "You'd be rotting in that Orphanage if I didn't owe her, Potter. You don't deserve anything better." He knew that Harry did not understand him, but it felt slightly comforting to vent off some resent.

Harry clutched the bars of the cot, looking up at him. "Unhh, bilekewelb! Waah!"

"That's enough." Snape frowned. He got out a bottle of milk from his pocket, to feed Potter for a while, until he found out what insolent one-year olds ate.

He saw the baby clutch it when he handed it to him and tremble slightly. It sucked at the bottle a little, then closed it's eyes, tears still rolling, but calm for the moment.

"Just like your father," Snape spat. "Wearing her eyes on your face," And then he stopped talking because he didn't trust himself to speak. His face crumpled slightly and he looked away, away from the green eyes which made him feel guilty, jealous, greedy and resentful all at once. He couldn't look into them. It hurt too much.

"Hawwy,"

Snape turned to him, confused.

The baby looked at him, looking utterly bemused and miserable. But he repeated the word. "Hawwy,"

Snape didn't reply.

The baby began drinking the milk again, looking downcast and sad. He looked quite adorable for a moment-a chubby baby sitting up and drinking, with beautiful green eyes and a little hand rubbing at his milky lips after he withdrew the bottle.

Snape found himself staring in wonder and anger, disgusted by the fact that Potter had actually had this-this _brat_ with Lily...he wondered that if he had ever been lucky enough for the same fate...would there be a boy in the same situation? Or staying happily with his family-Harry Severus Snape?

And then he left the room, without looking back, pain flowing through every vein of his body. He couldn't take another second.

And though he heard Harry's anxious cry at being left alone again, he didn't care. That boy wasn't his, even if he was technically his adoptive parent. He reminded himself it was just a legal title. He was a guardian and that boy was nothing but a worthless ward. The boy was Lily's-Lily's and Potter's. And for his mistakes, he was doomed to care for him. It was a punishment for relating the Prophecy. He deserved it. The boy was nothing to do with him.

Snape couldn't sleep for hours that night.


	3. Chapter Two

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews. Some people said that Snape was going to be a danger to Harry and that's perhaps true, but I really don't want to give details. All I can say is just wait and watch. Snape may not be fully caring but he will give in soon. Urgh, no I'm not giving spoilers-not matter how tempted I'm getting. Some people say that Snape can only be in-character if he is bitter and mean. That's absurd. Well that may be a part of his canon character but bravery, making good choices and caring for Harry in ways no one can see...is also part of him. The guy is so misunderstood it hurts. :( Hope you enjoy the chapter! Another one coming soon.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER TWO

"What did they say?" McGonagall asked Dumbledore as they sat in his office, sipping tea and looking very grave and worried.

"They acknowledged the fact that they had sent the boy to the orphanage and said that they couldn't deal with him and that they already have a child to care for. Mr Dursley went rather rude once but I suppose what is done is done," Dumbledore sighed. He had been pretty badly shocked when his wonderful plan to leave Harry with his relatives and keep him safe had failed. It had been like a punch on the face.

"I'm worried about Severus and Harry. It doesn't seem right at all. I can't believe you let him adopt the boy. I would never of believed it,"

"I am worried too," Dumbledore admitted. "I suppose we can visit him to check how things are going. I just hope they are fine."

XXXXX

The sun crept up the window and Harry began crying again. He was rather hungry and he hated that he was all alone in a small and scary room. He started whining a little.

In a while, the tall, dark-haired man came in, looking grumpy.

"Stop that racket," he ordered. "I'm here," He picked the boy up and took him out of the room.

"Mmmm, unhh..." Harry wailed, leaning his head on Snape's shoulder. "Gagaga..."

They soon entered a small kitchen, which was dismal too. Dark and old, and awful-looking.

The man sat him on a high chair with a red cover and Harry wiggled his legs. "Oo," he pouted. He wondered why he was here. Where were his parents? Who was this new man?

Snape gave the baby some porridge and an old sippy cup filled with milk. He sat at the table, hiding himself behind the newspaper and pretending to read.

Harry picked up the spoon, warily. "Oogway," he mumbled. "Bilkeb oofff..."

"Do not talk while you're eating,"

Harry looked at the tall, dark-haired man confusedly.

He tried to eat, but his hand was a little wobbly. Snape glared at him. "Are you complaining about the food? Spoilt already, are you?"

"Unnhhh," Harry began crying in frustration. Snape put down the newspaper in a temper and strode to the high-chair.

Harry reached out his little arms.

Snape picked him up impatiently, and Harry buried his face in the shoulder, crying quietly.

Snape groaned. He did not want to comfort the Brat-Who-Lived but he was forced to. He had to sit in his chair and rock him gently.

Harry gave a surprised little squeal at this and Snape felt him resting his head comfortably on his chest. His disgust grew when Harry gripped his robes and murmured. "Ooo gagagaga...Lalala, mama..." Then he fell quiet, rubbing his face on Snape's chest.

His voice was sickeningly sweet and Snape held him back, warily.

"Uhh?" Harry looked disappointed.

"Enough crying. It's time to eat," Snape decided. He put Harry back on the high chair and helped him hold the spoon and watched him sternly as he tried to eat. Harry ate a few spoonfuls and then drank the whole cup of milk. He was full.

"What?" Snape demanded, his voice harsh. "How dare you waste food,"

Harry's lip shook and tears coursed through his cheeks. "Waaaa...Nooo..."

"That's it." Snape growled. "Back to bed with you. If you can't be grateful for food then I don't know what to do with you." He carried Harry back to his bedroom and the boy began whining. "Muma...No no no...Gagagaga..."

Snape put him in the crib and Harry curled into a ball. "Mamamamaa," he protested, more tears coming. "Noooo!"

Snape could do nothing but glower and threaten and then go to his own bedroom to rest. Harry sniffed, miserably. Why was this man being so mean?

XXXXX

"WAAAAA!" Harry sobbed and sobbed. He had been sobbing for the better part of ten minutes and his mama was not coming at all. She was not swooping in, with her soft, dark red hair and hugging him or laughing at him sweetly.

The person who _did _come was the tall, dark-haired man who burst in the room a few moments later, looking so angry, that he cried even more.

Snape scooped him up, scolding him. "What do you _want? _Crying and crying all the time. Spoilt boy, just like his uppity father. I've had enough,"

He held the baby and rocked him fiercely, snarling and growling and Harry felt slightly at ease, even with the scary sounds and aggressive rocking. He once again leaned against the man's chest, loving the little comfort he got. "Ooo...Dada?" He inquired.

Snape froze. "What?"

"Dada? Dadadadada!" Harry murmured, trying to wrap his arms around the neck.

"I am not your father. The mere thought is repulsive," Snape frowned, his face full of hatred. It was so repulsing to him that he put Harry right back in the cot in disgust and saw the boy stare in wonder at him. "Dada? Nooo-sohwwy!"

He held out his hands pleadingly, wanting to be rocked to sleep-rocked to sleep on the rocking chair in the family room. But there was no rocking chair in the house-no family room and no 'dada.'

Harry cried with all his might but the tall, dark-haired man did not touch him. He backed out of the room, looking angry but guilty, and then disappeared.

Harry didn't even have a toy for comfort.

XXXXX

When the cries grew too loud, Snape was forced to snatch up the baby, seat himself outside the bedroom, in the living room, and rock the boy on the sofa.

His ears were throbbing with the noise and he regretted adopting the baby. The noise had nearly drove him mad. But then Harry began to quieten down, leaning against his shoulder and sniffling.

A while passed. The boy murmured in his own baby language and Snape listened to it. The feel of the warm body in his arms was vaguely comforting and the babble was sweet and innocent. The face of the boy pressed towards him made him feel more mature for a second and the tiny hands that gripped his collar made him want to push them off and let them stay at the same time.

He didn't know when his eyes began to get heavy with tiredness as he felt Harry giving a sigh and snuggling up closer. He didn't know when he fell asleep and Harry fell asleep too, in his arms. And as the tear-stained cheeked boy slumbered, apparently comfy, his adoptive father slumbered too, without realising what he had just done.

XXXXX

Dumbledore and Minerva stood outside the door of the ill-kept, small house. No one seemed to be answering their knocks and they were getting rather concerned.

Minerva sniffed at the house, her eye-brows raised. "It's not in very good shape-is it?"

Dumbledore didn't reply. With a quick _Alohomora _when he grew impatient of waiting and very worried, he entered the dark, gloomy house. He could hear nothing. What _could_ of happened?

"I'm worried, Dumbledore," Minerva stated. "God knows where they are."_  
_

"They'll be here somewhere," Dumbledore tried to sound reassuring but doubt hung in his heart.

"_Where?" _McGonagall asked, anxiously. "For all we know, they might not even be here at all. No one answered the door and we had to come in ourselves after all. I _do_ wonder-_oh!"_

They had entered the living room and were staring, their feet frozen to the ground, at the spectacle on the sofa.

Severus Snape was sitting on it-a baby sleeping in his arms-and he was asleep too! Simply astonishing!

Dumbledore couldn't help smiling. "Severus?"

"Unbelievable," McGonagall tutted, shaking her head. "I don't believe it."

Their voices made Snape stir and he shifted a little. The obsidian eyes fluttered open and suddenly Snape sat up, rigidly. He watched in horror at the two unexpected guests. "What in the world are you both doing here!?" He demanded.

McGonagall folded her arms indignantly, but Dumbledore smiled. "The door would not open so we came in ourselves,"

Snape hurriedly pushed Harry off himself and laid him on the sofa where the boy remained sleeping, a fist in his mouth.

"He was wailing loudly and nothing I could do was stopping him." Snape scowled as if answering a question they asked.

"I understand," Dumbledore smiled. "Please show me Harry, Severus,"

Snape scowled again, looking very bad-tempered.

He pushed Harry to a sitting position roughly and handed him to Dumbledore. McGonagall gave him an outraged look and Snape tried his best not to notice it.

Harry looked sleepily at the old man, confused, awoken by the sudden shoving movement. He rubbed his slightly sore arms which had just been pulled up by Snape. "Nuh nuh nuh," Harry mumbled, yawning.

Snape meanwhile, summoned up some tea for his guests. McGonagall proceeded to interrogate him, after sipping the cup gingerly. "Does Harry have a room or does he sleep in your room?"

"I tried to make a bedroom for him," Snape said carelessly, pointing to a door in the corner with his hand, "He sleeps there,"

"What are you feeding him, then?"

"I don't have a clear idea what children eat. I gave him some porridge this morning. And then I give him milk from time to time,"

McGonagall didn't look very convinced. "He has his own crib, doesn't he? And a few toys incase he gets bored?"

Snape looked annoyed. "Of course he has a crib, Minerva! Where is he supposed to sleep, on the floor? And under no circumstances am I buying toys for him. I won't have him growing up spoilt."

McGonagall looked at him as if he were quite mad and even Dumbledore stopped playing with Harry (who was tugging his beard, curiously and half-sleepily) and looked at Snape with wide eyes.

"Spoilt?" McGonagall demanded. "Severus, are you in your right mind?"

"I don't understand," Snape felt himself flushing. _He _had never had toys as a child. He would read books or play at the nearby park.

"Children need toys! How will Harry grow up?" McGonagall cried.

"Toys are important for a child's upbringing." Dumbledore cut through Minerva's soon-to-start rant quickly. "You don't need to buy much, though. Maybe a stuffed toy or two. A rattle. That should be enough,"

Snape looked sour, as if he had swallowed a lemon. "Right." he muttered. "And I'm supposed to find stuffed toys and rattles _where_?"

"A store, obviously," McGonagall said, sharply.

Snape was about to retort rather sarcastically, when Dumbledore cut through. "There may be a nearby department store. You can buy a few clothes for Harry and a few toys."

"I-_I-" _Snape began in tones of outrage but then Harry cried out, sadly. "Mama!"

"Hush, hush Harry," Minerva cried as she grabbed Harry from Dumbledore and rocked him. "Oh, poor boy!"

"Waaa," Harry sniffed, not stopping at all. The cries increased and grew louder and more insistent.

"Give him to Severus. Perhaps he'll be able to calm him down," Dumbledore suggested.

Snape sneered. "Honestly, Dumbledore, you hope too much,"

But when Minerva reluctantly gave Harry to Snape, Harry stared up at the slightly familiar face and sniffled.

"Mama..." He cried, burying his head into the robes, hoping this man would take him to her. "Mama..."

Snape glowered down at him, looking repulsed, but the boy had stopped shouting now. He just cried his grief quietly.

Harry grabbed Snape's black robes with both of his fists and pushed it close to his face.

Dumbledore smiled at the two of them. "If I wasn't seeing it , I wouldn't of believed it,"

XXXXX

Severus Snape refused to go to any store. He was not a Muggle. Nor was he the servant of the precious Boy-Who-Lived. Plus he didn't care a bit.

Who cared if Harry was bored? The baby did nothing but cry and that should be pastime enough. Snape watched Harry stare at the walls of his room, his lip sticking out, tears in the green eyes. He did nothing. Just stared. And sometimes whined for his mother or father-but that was it. It was getting on Snape's nerves. Snape kept telling himself he didn't need to bother with that brat of a boy but looking at him so blank and lonely made him feel a little guilty inside.

After hours of the silence (Dumbledore and Minerva had left), Snape went to check on Harry.

He peeped through the door, his eyes narrowed. "Brat," he growled, watching Harry stare down at his little feet, sniffling.

Harry looked up, looking a little hopeful. But when Snape did not move towards him, he stared back down at his feet, looking listless and depressed.

That made Snape's blood boil with irritation. A few minutes later and Severus Snape decided to go to the store.

"I had to go to the store eventually anyway," Snape told himself. "I'm not doing this to cheer the brat up. Of course I'm not,"

As he threw on his long travelling coat, Snape went into Harry's room. "I'll be up at the market, Potter. Go to sleep and don't call for me,"

Harry stared up at him. "Ooo," he raised his arms. "Ooooo..."

"No, you're staying here."

"Ooo," Harry wanted to snuggle again into the robes. Maybe he could convince the man to take him to his family and real home.

"That's enough. Goodbye, Potter,"

"Nuh! Da! Bilekfahsusnom!"

Snape backed away, warily. Babies could be awfully influential. The look Harry was giving was making him rather angry yet making his resolve crumble.

"Disobedient brat! Silence!" Snape ordered.

"Nonono!"

At the end, Harry was shrieking loudly, without stopping and Snape was forced to pick him up. He was certain that Harry did not even _know_ that he was going to the super store, and was just making a fuss to get attention. Snape contemplated on spanking him when he got out of hand but then he realised that the boy was just a baby. And besides, he was Lily's son. He couldn't hurt him physically.

Snape wouldn't of liked to have beaten any child, in truth. But Potter was a special case. He was almost as bad as his father.

Harry clawed at Snape's pale face, looking very angry. "No go! Bad, bad!"

"Excuse me?" Snape looked deadly.

"No, gagoi. No! Wai mama! Hawwy wiv mama!"

Snape was about to say what he had said last night. About how it was the boy's own fault he had lost his mother. Something about how his birth was a trouble to every one and it was a mercy he wasn't slapping him bloody for screaming so loudly.

But he didn't. The boy had suffered through enough. There were darks circles under the eyes and Harry was looking awful and sickly. Snape took him to the store with him and Harry clung on, looking around. Was this man taking him to his mama? He clung on tighter and soon saw some people passing by on the street. Harry felt safe in the man's presence. He squirmed to find the most comfortable spot on Snape's shoulder.

Snape held Harry tighter to himself with one hand.

"Stop squirming. Or I'll take you back home and lock you in your room, you arrogant, incorrigible brat,"

"Mmmmm," Harry responded.

When they approached the store, it was dismal and had very few people in it. It was the only store close to Spinner's End and was of bad quality. But it sold a variety of things. Snape was very happy with this.

His mother used to come shopping here. He bought a few clothes for Harry, black and grey shirts and tiny trousers. He bought a stuffed serpent (Very Slytherin. Snape approved.) and an ugly-patterned rattle. He also saw lots of blocks and crayons but loathed them on first sight.

Blocks were not for silly babies like Potter and he didn't want Harry crayoning all over the walls. But Snape bought a tiny stuffed owl toy. It would amuse Harry and stop him from shrieking all the time.

Snape also bought some grocery for Harry and for the house and then went back home. That was certainly enough fun for one day.


	4. Chapter Three

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the wait. Woot, here is chapter 3 of Abandoned! Enjoy and tell me what ya think in the reviews! Warning for all the angst in this chapter. Snape is slightly crazed in the mind with the hatred associated with James Potter. But, as I said last time, he is conflicted and it's not going to last forever.

I loved the thought that Harry ensured Snape's portrait to be hung in the Headmaster's office, right next to Dumbledore's. I also like to think Harry summoned up the courage to go there sometimes. Though the conversation may be awkward between them. Okay, okay, I'm getting all ranty here but I really adore Snape even though he's bitter and stuff. He really was brave and be deserves some recognition after all that he suffered. I'm just feeling nostalgic. I've posted a new story called _The Light In The Darkness. _Check it out when you've got time. Enjoy the chapter.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER THREE

Snape sat Harry down on the living room rug, and sat down beside him, handing him the serpent stuffed toy.

The baby stared at it. And then up at Snape.

"Well?" Snape felt impatient. "Play, then. Isn't that what Dumbledore said you'd do?"

Harry looked startled as he picked up the serpent. "Ooo?" He prodded it with a finger.,

Snape felt rather disappointed. He had gone to a Muggle store for God's sake. Just to see this brat mope around even more?

"You are definitely your father all over again," Snape growled.

Harry suddenly looked at a small toy in the man's hand and pointed at it. "Oooo,"

Snape looked at his hand and saw the stuffed owl toy. He raised an eye-brow. "Want this, Potter?"

Harry smiled and pointed at it again. Therefore Snape handed it to him.

Harry squealed. "Birdie!" He acknowledged, laughing at the owl. "_Birdie_!"

"That is an owl, Potter,"

"No, no, birdie!" Harry corrected and hugged the toy to his face.

Snape felt relieved. Even though the serpent had obviously been a flop at least he had gotten one toy right.

"I've got a rattle for you." Snape said, in a flat voice. "Why don't you play here and let me work in peace for the rest of the day?"

Harry dragged the owl on the floor, as if it was a car. He seemed to be enjoying a little.

Snape got up and went out of the room. Even though he kept denying it, Potter could be very well adorable sometimes.

XXXXX

"So! What does he call you?" Dumbledore asked, when he came to give Snape a book of parenting and some more toys for Harry, later that day. It had been just before dinner and Snape had been surprised at the sudden knock on his door. When he had opened the door, he had seen the Headmaster, holding two bags of provisions-for Harry.

"Nothing," Snape said dully, as he flipped through the pages. He stopped at a flimsy little article about dietary habits.

Dumbledore, for the second time that day, looked confused. "What do you _want_ him to call you, then?"

"Sir." Snape said, absent-mindedly.

"Be practical, Severus. He cannot call you sir all the time. He is but a baby,"

"Professor, then."

"Dad?"

Snape shot Dumbledore a dangerous look. "Headmaster, please refrain from presenting your peculiar notions about our relationship. I am not his father. It is just a title. It will not be encouraged upon,"

Dumbledore looked stern. "He should at least call you by your given name."

"You want Potter to call me 'Severus'?" Snape snorted, as he now examined a page about children's habits as they grew up. Something about throwing tantrums and time-outs. Snape shuddered inwardly.

Dumbledore and Snape were standing in the kitchen at the moment. It was brightly lit with a hot meal cooking on the old stove. Despite the grimy condition of the room, a wonderful smell filled the air.

"Why not? If you refuse to let him call you dad, he should at least call you by your name. Why don't we go to him, Severus?"

"As you wish, Headmaster." Snape rolled his eyes and lead Dumbledore to the living room where they saw Harry banging his rattle on the carpet, looking rather cross.

"Insolent boy! Stop that!" Snape scooped Harry up and snatched away the rattle. "You are not going to play with this any longer. See Dumbledore-toys make children spoilt,"

Dumbledore heaved a sigh. "Severus, please don't be so harsh. Well, come on. Seat him on the sofa. Let's see what he calls you,"

"This is a waste of time," Snape remarked but he obeyed and sat down on the sofa, seating Harry in front of him. Harry flopped down on his back, and lay his head on Snape's lap, as he looked up at Dumbledore.

Snape attempted to push the boy away, with a hiss of annoyance, but Dumbledore said sternly. "Severus! Stop being so cold. Harry is just a baby,"

"He is just an insolent brat who does not listen."

"Come here, Harry," Dumbledore ignored Snape.

Harry looked frightened and confused. "Papapadeee." He mumbled, shifting backwards.

"Nothing to be scared of. Come here," Dumbledore tried to reach out but Harry gave a squeal and buried his face in the sofa.

Dumbledore picked him up gently and Harry cried out. "Mmm no! _No_!"

He quietened down a bit when Dumbledore held him close and began to talk to him. "Just like his mother-those eyes could be Lily's own."

Snape looked bitter and he didn't answer.

Harry kicked his little legs anxiously and held out a chubby hand towards his adoptive father. "Mmm!"

"You want to go to your father, Harry? Papa Severus?"

Snape glared at the Headmaster, dangerously. "Dumbledore!"

"Papapa," Harry agreed, looking distraught when the tall, dark man did not pick him up and hold him close.

"Severus," Dumbledore looked merry. He handed Harry to Snape, who reluctantly held him.

"Evvr," Harry repeated after Dumbledore, patting Snape's cheek curiously. "Evvr?"

"I refuse to let this boy call me 'Evvr' or whatever the infernal boy just uttered. If he cannot pronounce well, I prefer him to say nothing at all." Snape said, sharply.

Harry winced at the tone and tears pooled in his eyes. "Mmm," he whispered.

"Severus, please," Dumbledore looked tired.

Snape looked raw, bitter, suddenly ugly. He jostled Harry back and forth, his method of rocking, and sighed when Harry suddenly began wailing loudly.

"I've had _enough_," Snape ground out. He got up, Harry clinging to him and wailing, and went inside the boy's room. He put Harry in his crib and walked outside, closing the door.

The boy raised his arms, pleadingly at the closed door, crying louder. No, he didn't want to be left alone!

"It's a punishment," Snape said, when Dumbledore looked anxious and angry. "He shouldn't behave like that. I don't care what you say, he needs discipline and I am willing to give it."

"Severus! You are being ignorant and dwelling on past memories-"

"Thank you Headmaster, have a good day,"

XXXXX

"Dadadada," Harry sobbed when Snape carried him to the kitchen. "Nononono!"

"Be. Quiet. Silence yourself now or I will _smack_ you!" Snape roared.

Harry sobbed louder, shaking uncontrollably.

Snape froze in his tracks and shook Harry. "Shut _up. _Be quiet! That's enough!"

Harry gasped for breath and ended up having a coughing fit. Snape sighed and patted his back, with a little too much force. His face was screwed up with hatred. Harry leaned against his chest and hiccuped, utterly miserable.

The baby sniffled silently as Snape continued the journey towards the kitchen. The nice smell hit Harry's nostrils at once and he was curious. He looked up, tears still dripping off his cheeks. "Ooo?"

Snape put him in the high chair and went to the pot. He filled out a bowl of stew and warm bread for himself. He opened the oven and took out some more bread and a few baked potatoes. Taking a small bowl, he mashed the potatoes and took it over to Harry.

"Eat," he gave Harry a bowl of mashed potatoes, bread and milk. "Do not waste any or you'll be spending the rest of the day locked in your room,"

Harry chewed slowly. He abandoned the spoon and ate with his fingers and when he reached for his sippy cup for a drink, he splattered the whole of it with sticky mash. It was untidy and Snape didn't like it. But he tried his best to see less and less of the boy and concentrated on his stew.

After he was done, Snape went to wash up. He saw the bowl of mash half-empty, the sippy cup fully empty and the bread only nibbled. He washed up the plates and as he did, Harry looked happy and content, oohing at him and clapping him hands appreciatively.

His mum and dad used to wash things too-in the sink. Harry reached out his hands. He'd of liked to splash around in there, but Snape didn't carry him over, but left him sitting on the high seat. When Snape was done, he carried Harry to living room to check out what Dumbledore had brought him.

The Headmaster had left a while ago, fed up. Snape regretted angering him so much but he didn't care too much. Harry was _his_ responsibility now. _He_ knew how to treat him and how not to.

Snape shuffled through the bag and took out a 'Lego' set. Whatever that was. The blocks were the Duplo version, large and chunky. Snape disapproved. Harry reached for box, nearly falling, enthusiastic.

"I don't think so," Snape sneered. "You are but a baby, as Dumbledore keeps saying."

Harry looked distraught. Snape then took out what looked like a teddy bear. He looked disgusted. He rifled through the bag more. There were a few equipment and then Snape found a colourful rainbow blanket. Harry gasped and tried to snatch it.

Snape allowed him to hold it and Harry wrapped it around himself, squealing excitedly. "Ooo! Pwetty!"

Snape rolled his eyes.

When the man carried the baby to bed, Harry stared at his face. He looked thoughtful. Then Harry said. "Evvr?"

"_Severus_," Snape glowered. "Thought I don't prefer you call me that,"

"Evvr's," Harry said. "Evvu!" He seemed to like this nickname because he kept chanting it, a mischievous grin on his face. "Evvu Evvu Evvu _Evvu_!"

Snape glared and said, sharply. "Insolent boy-that's enough!"

Harry fell quiet at once, mouth open. He shut it, sulkily.

Snape dumped him inside the crib and heard sudden whimpering. "Baba..." Harry whispered. "Evvu!"

Snape sighed and closed the door.

XXXXX

Snape could hear shouts, he could hear screams. He didn't understand them fully.

He lay still for a moment, confused. The screams came again-then the man suddenly realized that they were Harry's.

Groaning and scowling, he decided to leave the baby be. But after the shouts increased, he was forced to go and check the scene.

When he entered Harry's room, the baby was sobbing and flailing in his new rainbow blanket. Tears were dripping from his eyes and he was yelling. "Mama! MAMA!"

Snape picked him, and held him close for a second. "Hush, Potter. Hush! Quiet, now! Did you have a nightmare?"

Harry sobbed and sobbed, his shoulders shaking. He had just had the dream-the dream with all the green light and the scary man and his mummy dying with a scream.

He could feel 'Evvu' cradle him, whisper to him harshly.

"N-no..." He cried, brokenly. "Mama..."

Snape sighed. Lily...Oh, Lily.

For a second, he and Harry shared the same grief-for Lily Potter. And then Snape came back to his senses.

Snape went to his bedroom and sat on the bed, holding Harry. "That's enough...Wouldn't you rather sleep, Potter?...Sssh...You're safe now." He said after pauses, rocking Harry.

"Ev-v-uuu!" Harry choked out in reply.

In a while, Harry calmed down-but he didn't let go of Snape. He kept shivering and clinging to the black robes. Snape was annoyed. It was a favour enough that he was comforting the brat, but he didn't want the boy to take liberties with him.

In the end, he was forced to cradle him to sleep and then lay him on his own bed, far away from his pillow. Snape made quick little magical boundaries so Harry would not fall off and then retreated to his side of the bed. Exhausted, he fell asleep at once. Being a caretaker was one of the hardest jobs of all, Snape confirmed in his head.

The both of them fell asleep in the now quiet room. Harry was wrapped in a blanket and he slept on the second pillow on the bed. The baby curled himself into a ball and hugged the pillow, whimpering in his sleep.

XXXXX

In the morning, Snape did not expect the baby to be sleeping closer to him than he had been last night, his little hand holding his sleeve.

Snape scowled and pulled away. He got up and went into the kitchen to make breakfast, leaving Harry sleeping on the bed.

A little while later, he heard soft cries from his bedroom. Harry was obviously awake.

Muttering under his breath, Snape entered his room and saw Harry lying on his back and kicking his legs free of blanket.

"Uhhh," Harry looked confused that he was sleeping here, instead of in his cot.

"Evvu!" He cried suddenly when he saw the man, raising his arms expectantly.

"Do not refer to me with that infernal nickname of yours."

"Nono! Evvu! Want _Evvu_!"

Snape scowled again as he picked the baby up and felt Harry throwing his little arms around his neck.

"You will not be sleeping here again," Snape said, sternly. "And if you dare wail in the middle of the night again, I will _Silencio_ you." That was an empty threat but Snape felt a little better saying it. He hated how the stupid boy was growing closer to him. How could Harry trust him enough to sob into his arms all night? Argh. It couldn't continue. It wouldn't.

"Binef...Ga ga ga," Harry smiled. "Evvu! Oo! Haha! Evvvrrrrr!" Spittle flew from his lips and flecked Snape's robes.

"Insolent boy..." Snape growled, but Harry giggled and responded. "Oo oo! Babagandala!"

Snape took Harry to his room and set him on the mat, giving him the serpent.

Harry poked about it a bit and even held it close and snuffled his head into it, but then he looked pointedly at the Lego set-which could be seen sitting in the open wardrobe into the wall.

"Ooo?" Harry asked, crawling towards it. He had only crawled a few inches before Snape pulled him back.

"No. You are too little,"

"Peease." Harry looked at the man pleadingly. "Evvuuuu...Nuhnuhnuh!"

Snape hardened himself.

Tears started in the green orbs and Lily's eyes stared back at him, blinking the tears down the pale cheeks.

Spoilt brat.

Lip wobbling, Harry opened his mouth dismally. "Falafentire," he whispered.

He gazed sadly at the floor, head resting on his little chest.

That did it. Snape was suddenly accioing the Lego box towards himself and he was suddenly opening it.

"Muggle toys," he sneered, ripping off the plastic and examining the blocks.

"EEEP!" Harry looked excited. He thrashed around the blocks, giggling fervently. "Evvu, kakie kakie!"

"Yes, you play all day here while I go and work." Snape said, bitterly. He cursed himself for succumbing into the boy's dramatics.

Harry's cheeks were flushed. One chubby hand clasped a block and the other hand held a cardboard piece. He was swinging his legs, bouncing up and down on the carpet.

"Pway!" Harry encouraged his adoptive father, grinning. Snape left without a word, however. Harry was disappointed for a second and then he cheered up and began throwing blocks around the room and playing with them.

XXXXX

"Take that out of your mouth!"

"Ufff..." Harry plucked out a block from his mouth, as he frowned in disapproval at the man.

"Stupid child, I knew you couldn't be trusted," Snape growled, snatching away the block. "No more toys for you. If you're going to put everything in your mouth, I shan't give you anything."

Harry frowned, not understanding. "Eh!" He suddenly said, shrilly, holding up his chubby arms in front of Snape.

"What?"

Harry frowned and wiggled his out-stretched arms. This man could be very silly sometimes. Didn't Evvu know he wanted to be held?

"What is wrong with you," Snape felt annoyed.

And then he suddenly got it. How dare this boy take liberties with him!

Snape glared at him sharply, meaning to get up.

Harry whined and baby-talked and crawled up to Snape. He tried to climb on his lap. "Papa!" He declared.

"I am not your father!"

Harry winced at the noise and looked up, frightened. "Papa?"

"That's it," Snape picked him up roughly, arms under the baby's armpits. He put him in the cot and made to leave.

Harry began crying silently, unsure what he had done. "No! Papa!"

Snape slammed the door with considerable force.

Harry didn't get it. This man took care of him. And he liked this man, he really did. But then why did this man get so angry? As if he hated him...as if he didnt want him?

What little Harry didn't know was that it wasn't an 'as if' matter. Snape _did_ hate him... And he didn't really want him.


	5. Chapter Four

**Author's Note: **I'm on a roll. Here is the fourth chapter of Abandoned. I've been busy updating my other stories so I haven't been concentrating on Abandoned lately. I enjoy switching between Abandoned and Cherished because they both feature a baby Harry, only difference is that they feature different Snapes. Cherished has a more relaxed and collected Snape while Abandoned's Snape is fresh from grieving and rather harsh. Enjoy and review. Sorry if it's too short.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER FOUR

Snape didn't enjoy tending to Harry at all. He disliked children in general-but Harry drove him out of his mind.

Every time he entered his room to feed him with a bottle or check on him, he'd start screeching excitedly, raising his hands for a cuddle.

Every time he adorned him in new clothes, he would fuss and fuss until Snape lost his temper.

Every time he tucked him in bed (Snape's version was putting him bodily into the crib and throwing the rainbow blanket over him), Harry would whisper to him and raise his arms as if he wanted to be rocked for no apparent reason.

Suffice to say, Snape needed a break. It had been two more days since the incident when Harry had called him "Papa" and their relationship was teetering on the rocks.

Harry tried his best to be cheery and sweet but Snape wouldn't have it. In fact, if the man did anything but sneer and scowl and glare, it would certainly be surprising and alarming. Today, Harry had a new problem. He didn't want to eat what was in front of him-milk and chunks of meat.

Harry looked down his nose at his plate, pushing it away with both of his little hands.

Snape, unfortunately, caught the gesture. "Excuse me, Potter, are you complaining about the food?" He demanded.

"Jaki Bebabi," Harry folded his arms and glared at Snape. He pointed to Snape's own plate of food, which featured pasta and grilled chicken. "Num!"

"You will eat your food or suffer my wrath," Snape decided.

Harry didn't budge. "Eh!" He pointed to Snape's plate again. "Mmmm!"

"Disobedient, fussy, arrogant brat!" Snape shouted. "Stop it and eat, or starve,"

Harry kicked his legs in his high chair and baby-talked very fiercely, as if scolding Snape.

Snape didn't understand a word but be didn't like the tone. "You apparently need to be taught a lesson," he said in a low and dangerous voice.

Harry continued scolding him, brows furrowed and chubby fists waving. All Snape caught was: 'baf,', 'Evvu,' and 'angwy,'

Snape plucked him up effortlessly, and holding him in front of him, said. "Potter, I give you a last warning. Stop your insolence or we'll deal with your behavior in another manner,"

Harry kicked his legs, unsure what Evvu was doing. Was he going to hug him? Take him to his plate? Going to put him back in his crib? Hmm...

"Well?" Snape suddenly felt stupid for arguing and initiating a conversation with a baby. "You know what? I don't need your opinion. You are going to eat and that's that."

"Bad Evvu," Harry said crossly, tapping Snape on his nose. "Hawwy pway,"

Once again, Snape lost his temper and was shocked at the gall of this boy. If one of his students did such a thing they'd never see the light of day again! Snape took him to his seat and sat him on his lap and accioed the boy's food to the table. "Right. We'll see how you won't listen to me,"

He scooped up the food with a spoon and tried to feed Harry.

Harry had pressed both hands upon his lips, moving his head away. Snape tried steering the spoon towards another direction. Harry moved his head again. Snape tried again, feeling exasperated.

Harry swerved his head _again_, a giggle escaping. When Snape growled: "You are trying my patience!", he frowned again and squeezed his eyes shut.

Snape used the hand that was supporting Harry's waist, to pull back both of the ababy's hands and trap them together. Harry squealed and squirmed and yelled. "No papa!"

"What have I said about referring to me as your father!?"

"Papa papa papa!" Harry said to annoy him further, because he had learnt 'Evvu' always got cross when he said that.

One lightish smack to the side of his head later, Harry was too saddened by the sudden action to resist further. He sullenly ate the spoonful and the many others which came.

Snape was very satisfied. A good reprimand always set children straight. He had hardly touched the boy, and look, immediate obedience. Feeling very happy that he had won the battle, Snape made Harry finish his meal (He had been careful to serve a small helping this time) and then turned the boy around to face him.

"There. Was that so hard?" Snape sneered.

Harry was looking very sad, tears stinging in the green eyes. One hand was rubbing at his head, where Snape had tapped him, as if he had just been hit by a frying-pan.

"Stop over-reacting. Brat," Snape rebuked.

Harry looked up at him, lip sticking out. "Owie..." He whispered in such a hopeless voice that Snape immediately felt a little guilty.

"There, there, I didn't mean it," he said hurriedly, in spite of himself.

He patted Harry's back, pulling him towards himself so that the boy's face was hidden in his robes. Harry immediately rested both of hands on Snape's chest and snuggled closer. For a second, Snape allowed him to do that-and then be pulled Harry back and picked him up.

He postponed washing up and took Harry to his room. The baby was looking happier and was chanting. "Evvu Evvu Evvu,"

"Stop it. Don't call me that,"

"No," Harry grinned.

XXXXX

Snape was at his wit's end as to what to do. Oh, he hated babies! He was confirming this. Babies were evil and nasty and after what Harry had done, they deserved to rot in jail.

Feeling in a rather paranoid mood, Snape tried not to act too rashly as he saw little Harry sitting on one flower bed outside, in his patchy garden.

Mud was all over his clothes and all over his face and the flowers were long dead. They had been his special enchanted lilies and here was Harry, destroying his mother's namesakes.

Snape took several deep breaths. How the heck had Potter escaped to the garden anyway? Had he left the door open?

Harry grinned and threw up a shower of mud, giggling to himself.

"Potter!" Snape growled, stomping outside.

"Ello!"

"You disobedient, reckless brat! You're going to be in a whole lot of trouble by the time I'm done with you,"

"Yaya!" Harry responded, crawling over to him with his muddy face and reaching up his arms.

Snape glowered at the sheer _gall_ of the boy. His father would have been proud, indeed! Grudges intensifying, Snape scooped him up roughly and began lecturing mercilessly about destroying things._  
_

By the time he had come to the point where he was telling Harry how angry he was at him and how much trouble he was currently in, Harry looked thoughtful.

"Evvana angwy?"

_Wasn't I supposed to be 'Evvu'? _"Very."

"Mmmm..." Harry looked as if he was thinking hard. "Sohwwy!"

"I'm afraid a mere apology does not cut it." Snape decided. "You are going to be punished, believe me. And very severely."

"Hehe," Harry cooed, obviously not understanding at all.

Snape suddenly realized how much time he was wasting trying to reason with the brat and took Harry inside. He went to the bathroom and put Harry on the sink slab for a second.

The bathroom had been upgraded using magic and was in better shape than most of the rooms in his house. He rarely inhabited the house anyway. When he used to be a Death Eater, he would sleep in random places, according to the mission.

Being a Death Eater hadn't been fun, but he had been a good one. He had made up at his reluctance to torture and kill by introducing new spells and good strategies. In fact, with the idiots who had joined (Crabbe and Goyle for example), he had really been a necessary member.

But that seemed so long ago. He had been a reckless teenager, young man, whatever and he hadn't exactly enjoyed it and now...he _regretted_ it.

Snape washed off the mud from Harry's face and then gave him a bath, making sure he did not drown in the tub, and then started scrubbing his black hair.

Harry didn't seem to be enjoying at first. He cried and pummeled at the air, but after a while he gave up, and began splashing the water on Snape's face.

This did not improve the man's mood.

Snape made sure Harry was spotless and free from mud before he toweled him up and made him wear a dark green shirt and dark shorts.

"Ooooooo," Harry liked these new clothes. Snape picked him up. Harry smelled fresh and clean and his skin was soft and cool.

Harry suddenly took hold of one long strand of black hair and tugged.

"Don't!" Snape winced.

"Evvu!" Harry tugged again. "Oo!"

"Bad boy," Snape snatched away the strand.

Harry looked mutinous and grabbed another strand of hair.

"You obviously feel no remorse for your actions." Snape said, sternly. "Well, we'll see about that by the end of your punishment."

Harry felt his own hair and then looked at Evvu's. It was different. Long and soft like his mum! And also a little oily. Hmmm... His dada hadn't had hair like this. Was Evvu a _girl_? No, no, he couldn't be. He looked too scary and tall. Harry decided that he liked Evvu's hair very much, despite the man's scariness.

Before he could convey this to the man, he was suddenly dumped in his crib.

"Hmp!" Harry gasped at the sudden contact. No, he wasn't sleepy!

"You will remain in that crib for the remainder of the afternoon." Snape said, sternly. "Or until I feel that you are adequately punished."

"No!" Harry picked up his rattle and shook it to emphasize his displeasure.

"Yes."

"NO!" Harry insisted. "Pway! No Evvu! _No_!"

"Yes. You deserve it for being so bad today,"

He _wasn't_ bad! He was _good_! He wanted to be hugged and kissed, not locked in a room. He was _good_! Harry felt like crying. He threw his rattle on Evvu and the man caught it with one hand, looking furious.

"_This_ will be coming with me, boy," He gritted his teeth.

"No!" Harry cried again.

Snape walked out of the room and shut the door.

XXXXX

Snape felt horrid. He was utterly tired of Harry's shrieks and defiant 'no!'s and as he opened the boy's room, he hoped against hope that he was asleep.

What he saw, instead, was the boy staring blankly at the wall, tears dropping from his cheeks. He didn't acknowledge Snape's presence in any way.

Snape looked at him, moodily. He walked towards the crib, expecting Harry to look up. Harry didn't move. In fact, he didn't look at the man at all.

"Potter?"

No reply.

"Do you hear me?"

Silence.

Snape picked him up and Harry stayed still in his arms, leaning away from him.

"Fine. Be that way. See if I care." Snape put him back down. Harry stared back at the wall, his bottom lip sticking out.

Snape was concerned. What had happened to this boy now?

He sighed and walked away. He shot another look over his shoulder and saw that Harry was still unconcerned.

_Well, be that way,_ Snape thought angrily. _Ungrateful boy_.

At lunch, Harry was still blank and unresponsive. It seemed like was pointedly ignoring Snape. He looked sad and silent and when Snape gave him a loaf of bread and broth, he took very tiny bites and left a lot.

Snape was frustrated. Why was Harry acting in this way? Hadn't he been a good adoptive fa-er, guardian to him? Hadn't he gave him a room, a crib, a place to stay? Food, toys and a rainbow blanket? For Heaven's sake, hadn't he even let him have the Lego? Why did children get more and more arrogant the more they were given? Had be been wrong? Had it have been better if he shouldn't of given Harry anything at all-in fact, would it have been better if he had refused giving him the Lego and the blanket?

He didn't understand it. It was not like he was being extremely horrid either. He _hated _the boy and still he was trying to do so much for him.

Or was he being too strict?

_Don't be foolish. The boy got what was coming to him when he played around in the mud and destroyed the flowers. He should of been beat up by all means. My own father didn't care how old one was. If he was irked he always went violent. _Snape thought.

But _did_ he want to be like his father?

_I just locked him up in his room for Heaven's sake! Surely that wasn't so bad. I am sure there were even _toys_ up there._

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose. He was going to die of stress one day. And it would all be Potter's fault.


	6. Chapter Five

**Author's Note: **Right...-I know I have been neglecting this story but now I'm going to update it super fast. I nearly forgot all about it while working on my other stories. So...here's another update. Please, please, _please_ review and if you have any suggestions please say so.

P.S.: In the last chapter when Snape gave Harry a light-ish smack, I meant what I meant when I wrote 'light-ish'. It _wasn't_ a real smack. Or even a pat, for that matter. This chapter is short but don't worry, I have a plot planned out for this story. Finally :D Remember, this story is bittersweet, so if you guys are looking for some cute baby fic, that's _Cherished_, not Abandoned. The ending is extremely bittersweet too...just wanted to warn you guys.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER FIVE

"Potter."

Snape was desperate. He wanted Harry to talk to him, he wanted the baby to start acting all cute and cuddly again-but Harry wouldn't budge.

Snape attempted to pick him up but Harry squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance.

"I didn't mean to lock you in for so long." Snape wished that Harry could understand what he was saying. It was very annoying talking to a baby. Babies couldn't understand what you meant-heck, they didn't even know what _they_ meant.

"I'm sorry." The minute Snape said these words, he was shocked. Was he actually apologizing to Potter's son?

Harry looked up at him, eye-brows raised. Tears had filled those startlingly green eyes and Snape persisted: "You can't go on a huff with me. I adopted you, I gave you a place to stay. Do Potters have no gratitude at all?"

When Harry did not respond remotely, Snape felt discouraged. And then, Harry suddenly squeaked out: "Play wiv Hawwy?"

Snape flinched. What in the world? He couldn't have heard right.

Harry was looking hopeful, the same look the baby had had before, whenever Snape had entered his room.

"What do you want to play?"

"Play."

"What do you want to play, Potter?"

"Play wiv Hawwy?"

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose and set the boy down on the carpet. They had been in Harry's room.

Harry wiggled his legs and pointed at the Lego box, lying on the carpet.

"Alright. Let's build, eh Potter?" Snape settled down beside him, careful not to be too friendly with the brat.

Harry nodded, quietly. He still looked rather depressed but he reached out for the box and tore off a piece of cardboard.

He giggled and threw the piece into the air. It floated for a while and then fell down on the floor, lying completely still.

"Take the blocks out, then." Snape urged.

Harry took out a single block and smiled to himself as he threw it into the air. The block fell to the ground with a light _thump _and Harry crawled towards it, giggling.

Dumbledore was an idiot. Harry didn't like building at all. He just wanted to fool around with the blocks. Snape didn't see how playing was constructive to Harry in any way. In fact, the boy was probably going to learn how to throw things around. And it would all be Dumbledore's fault for giving him ridiculous ideas in the first place.

"No, bad boy." Snape chided as Harry threw the block at him and then crawled towards him to get it back. The baby crawled into his lap but Snape snatched the block away. "Let _me_ teach you," the man said, dourly. He emptied the box onto the carpet, blocks flying everywhere.

Harry clapped wildly, looking surprised. "Yay!"

"No, no, stop it. Stay still and watch, Potter." Snape said. He began to put blocks together, until he had made a kind of roof-less house.

Harry watched him work, enchanted.

In spite of himself, Snape build more and more, not very adept, but focused on his task. After a while, he looked with a satisfied expression at what he had made.

"There. Looks like Hogwarts. _That_ is how we play, Potter,"

Harry clapped. "Eee!"

Snape felt proud of himself. "Why don't you try now?"

XxxxX

Was Harry an attractive baby? This was a question Snape thought about quite often. As the baby slept, Snape stared at the messy black hair, the scar, the raspberry red lips. Snape felt hot and cold in turns. Sometimes he wanted nothing more than to hurt Harry, to scar him, to make him pay. But then he broke down and wished that he had died after all. He didn't _want_ to live-and as he stared at Harry, he just wanted to hold the boy to his chest and sob.

But he didn't cry. Never ever.

When Lily had died, he had broken down, yes. But other than that, he was not a crier.

Harry gave a little sigh in his sleep and Snape thought about his own looks. He stared down at the shiny table in front of him. He could see himself, not very clearly, but he could still see.

Was that why Lily had not chosen him? Because he was an unattractive and ugly man?

But even as he thought this, he remembered that Lily had never said so. She had kept insisting that he looked wonderful, _fine_-lean and dark. But Snape knew that she had only been trying to make him feel better. He may be tall-ish but he still had pale skin and a big nose and...

But Lily had said that his nose suited him, that it was fine.

Snape shook himself and accioed some elf-made wine towards himself. Sometimes a good drink could stop the pain.

XxxxX

Snape didn't know what had gotten into him. Maybe he had drunk too much wine-either way, he was telling Harry about his mother, completely aware that the baby couldn't understand a word he was uttering.

But it was friendly, and the air was calm. And as he went on and on, Harry stared up at him in curious interest, and he felt lighter.

"She was my first friend and we used to play together, used to draw Hogwarts on these little papers in her room. Her room used to be beautiful, I remember. Lily's mother used to like me, but her father never did. I don't think he liked the closeness. So I stopped coming to her house after I grew older and we met at the park, instead." Snape said, softly. "You don't look a bit like her-she had red hair and green eyes. We used to do our Potion assignments together, we used to do everything together. At Hogwarts, we would sit by the lake and we would talk. Everything would be wonderful. We would go to Hogsmeade together, too. We loved each other. Except I think I loved her even more," here his tone became hard. It was like he had had another sudden mood swing. Snape was very unpredictable in this way, and Harry was startled by the way the man could get angry in seconds. One second he would be all kind and soft and the next he would be shouting and hissing. "And then your dear father came along, hexing me out of the way and flirting with her. She always defended me, until I lashed out at her and everything was over. I know she would have forgiven me if your father wouldn't have convinced her and said false things to her about me, behind my back-I _know_ she would have forgiven me. She would have married me and I would have kept her happy and safe. You wouldn't have here, you wouldn't have existed."

Harry whimpered and reached out a hand to Snape. The child was sitting on the sofa and Snape was sitting a little far apart from him.

"What do you want, brat?" Snape eyed the chubby hand.

"Evvu," Harry said.

Ah. Time to change _that_ nickname. "Professor Snape," Snape pointed at himself. "Say it, Potter. Professor Snape,"

Harry stared at him, not saying a word. Then, after a few seconds, he blurted: "fflrrbtt!"

"No!" Snape said, sharply. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Say 'Snape', then," he amended. _That_ was easier to pronounce, wasn't it?

"Ssss!"

"Snape,"

"Lalala!"

"No, Potter. _Snape_,"

"Nape!"

"Close enough,"

"Evvu!" Harry laughed and clapped his hands. "Play wiv Evvu!"

Snape's temper was rising rapidly by this point.

"Severus," he tried again, reluctantly. "My name is Severus,"

XxxxX

Snape was christened "Evrus" that day. And it sounded quite a lot like his name, so Snape did not mind.

It had taken a lot of time making Harry stick to it and then Harry had cuddled up in his lap and fallen asleep.

Snape despised the boy even more when he slept. The green eyes were shut and Snape couldn't see any trace of Lily anymore. He just looked like a mini-James, eyes shut and mouth open as he breathed...

XxxxX

Severus and Dumbledore were talking through the fire in Snape's study.

"...he is fine," Snape was saying.

"If there are any problems concerning Harry, please notify me Severus," Dumbledore said, urgently.

"Do not worry, Headmaster," Snape said. "He is fine,"

"Severus...you are coping, aren't you? I don't want Harry hurt."

A crease appeared between Snape's dark eyes. Dumbledore felt suddenly disturbed.

Severus was in a nearly psychotic state these days-so blinded was he by hatred and love and confusion, that he had grown unpredictable and dangerous. His emotions were running wild and the man was barely able to keep a civil conversation without lashing out or breaking down. Dumbledore wanted the calm, quiet and controlled Snape back. It hurt him to see the man like this.

"Hurt?" Snape's voice was soft, challenging. "You think I will hurt the boy, Dumbledore?"

"That was not my meaning."

Snape looked furious and a little mad. "I _could_ hurt him, however, take revenge, but I'm not going to! Can't you _see? _I'm _trying_, Dumbledore, I really am-I would never hit him, but as he screams and disobeys, the temptation grows-" here Snape stopped and smirked slightly. Dumbledore couldn't help feeling a little apprehensive at the slight, seemingly vindictive smile. "But I stop myself. You may think that I am an abusive man like Potter, but I am not. I am...n..." Snape stopped talking and breathed out heavily, trying to calm himself.

"Severus?" Dumbledore looked frightened. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, I'm fine,"

"You need rest, you need to calm down. Don't over-work yourself, please. Harry is just a baby, he needs our help. Don't harbor such feelings towards-"

"I can hear him cry," Snape said. He was not lying, but he also wanted to end the conversation.

Dumbledore could also hear the baby's cries at his end. "We will talk later," the old man said.

"As you wish," Snape replied, in a low voice. Dumbledore was almost certain that the sentence had been addressed in malicious tones and he suddenly feared for Harry's life and Snape's sanity. The man needed a Calming Draught.

As Snape walked to Harry's room, the walls began to swirl around him. Maybe he had drunk too much...That was most peculiar for him...he never got drunk, never...

Snape panted for breath and suddenly stopped, groping at the wall. He took out a vial of potion from his robes. He drank it in one gulp and things began to get steadily clearer. It was an anti-migraine draught.

"Evrus!"

"I'm...coming..." Snape staggered to Harry's room. He saw the boy staring at him through the crib railings. Harry raised his arms. The baby seemed to be defocusing...seemed to be tilting left, then right...

Snape shook his head and went to Harry and picked him up. "What is it now?" The man slurred slightly, his drawl getting even more intense.

"Goooiii," Harry buried his head into Snape's shoulder.

Snape felt weak at his knees. What was _wrong_ with him? He went to the living room and collapsed on the sofa, barely conscious. Why wasn't the potion working? He could have sworn he had only drunk two glasses of wine...

Hopefully the wine had not been too old...

Snape began to droop on the sofa, looking tired and unresponsive.

Harry began crying in sympathy and as a teardrop hit his palm, Snape suddenly came back to reality.

"Hush, I'm fine. Why are you crying?" he said. He cradled the boy, unsure of what he was doing. Was he_ really_ cradling Potter's son?

"Mama!"

"I'll tell you more about her," Snape felt himself going crazy. He shouldn't be chatting with babies. It wasn't normal.

But it soothed Harry to hear him talk in those calm tones, so he went on. "She...she was...very good at Charms..." Snape closed his eyes and then opened them. He saw Harry staring up at him with interest. Harry reached out for his mouth, fascinated by the way his lips worked.

"Evrus," Harry said, feeling cosy.

"She...and I loved watching Quidditch. Your-your father once cursed my broomstick. I was going to...to ride it, for Lily, to show her. But I fell off, and he laughed and it was only until later did I find out that he was the one who had jinxed it. It was my first-year and I hated him ever since. Your mother hated him too. But he hoodwinked her, stole her away...And she fell for him, and...and she left me..." Snape sighed. "But she was very beautiful...you...you have her eyes," he looked down at Harry again.

"Mama!" Harry nodded, grinning. "Lovey mama!"

"Yes, I loved her. She was very loving herself," Snape felt so sleepy that he wanted to skip dinner and fall on his bed. Fall on his bed, all alone. Sometimes he felt frustrated by his loneliness. Maybe it was a good thing that he sometimes had Harry for company.

He wasn't very hungry, anyway. So he fed Harry a bottle, and tucked him in bed. When he went to his own bedroom, he fell asleep fairly quickly. He quite liked talking to Harry if Lily was the subject. That was the only time when the boy seemed only half as bad. The only time he felt calmer...Snape fell asleep at once, and as he slept, a storm started outside and the rain pattered down on the window.

The thunder crackled and Harry jumped, crying quietly. He sneezed and suddenly everything went impossibly quiet. As if someone had put on a Silencing charm...But there was no one in the room except for him...

It was a depressing night for both of them. Plently depressing nights would surely follow.


	7. Chapter Six

**Author's Note: **Please review. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Snape's "dizziness" in the last chapter is explained here! Stay tuned, a _huge_ plot twist is arriving soon. It's very short. A very, very big thing is gonna happen soon so don't get bored, continue reading.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER SIX

Dumbledore visited them again, and this time he brought quite a different type of present.

When Snape brought Harry to Dumbledore, the old man made the baby sit on his lap as he opened up a brown leather-bound book. It was evidently an album.

Snape went to the kitchen to get some tea made. When he came back, he saw Dumbledore and Harry laughing down at the album, Harry very enthusiastic.

Snape assumed that the album was a picture book of some sort. It was only when he had sat down on the sofa, did he see what they were looking at:

James and Lily were smiling happily at the camera. Lily was leaning against James' chest and Harry was in her arms, smiling chubbily. The present Harry's eyes were filled with tears as he stared down at the photo. He kept fingering it, mumbling "Mama, dada..." under his breath.

Snape felt as if he had been hit with a club. It was like an electric shock seeing Lily and Potter so happy together. He wanted to grab the album and throw it away, but he was frozen stiff. His eyes were glued to the beautiful woman laughing at her son and the man holding her close.

"Mama!" Harry squealed again. He oohed at the picture some more before Dumbledore turned the page and showed him a picture of his parent's wedding. This was enough to wound Snape up. He got off the sofa and stormed into the kitchen, heart thumping. When he reached the sink, he took deep breaths to calm down.

It was all a mistake, Lily couldn't have been happy with Potter, she couldn't.

Snape hated Dumbledore for bringing the album. He hated Harry for being Potter's son. He hated Potter for existing. Maybe he even hated Lilyfor doing this to him.

Snape didn't come back to the living room until Dumbledore came up to him, a worried expression on his face.

"What happened to you yesterday?" Dumbledore asked.

"I wasn't drunk," Snape snapped, defensively.

"I find that easy to believe as you hardly drink. But something _did_ happen, didn't it?"

"I'm not sure what," Snape said.

"It was a spell, Severus. A dizzy spell," Dumbledore said. "I saw the symptoms,"

"What are you talking about?"

Dumbledore waved his wand in a few complicated movements and then stopped. "Yes, it _is_ a dizzy spell. Cast on you by an adult..."

No wonder the anti-migraine potion hadn't helped!

"There is no one in the house but Potter and me," Snape was getting anxious.

"Maybe there was somebody outside?" Dumbledore knitted his brows.

"I thought this was a Muggle neighbourhood," Snape said. "_Why_ would anyone cast a dizzying spell on me anyway?"

"That is curious...Did you go outside before you came to the fire to talk to me?"

"Yes, to bring Potter's rattle which he had left outside. I _thought_ I heard some scuffling, but it was obviously just a stray cat...or so I thought."

"The question still remains as to why did that person-if there even was one-cast a spell on you-" Dumbledore mused.

He was interrupted by Harry crawling into the room, holding a torn page in his hand. A picture of him playing with his parents was visible, but Snape wasn't thinking much about the Lily-Potter business anymore. He was thinking about who (if there even _was_ a who) had cast that spell on him-making him so dizzy that even the potion hadn't helped...

XXXXX

Snape was still wondering about it when he fed Harry his supper. When he took the boy to his room, after eating, Harry suddenly cried out: "Evrus! Mama!"

The baby waved his arms about in a gesturing fashion, looking dreamy, "Mama!"

Snape put Harry down in his cot, still wondering about who had sent that dizzy spell his way.

Harry suddenly cried out: "MAMA!", jarring through Snape's thoughts. From nowhere sudden anger burst out from Snape.

"Will you just shut up! Everything is all your fault and you never cease to be a bother!"

There a shocked silence. Harry stared at him, silently. Tears smarted in his eyes but the baby simply curled himself into a ball and sniffled. Then he began whimpering and hiding himself from view.

Snape felt hollow. "I hate you," he said hoarsely. He did, he _did_. He hated Harry more than anything-the cause of his troubles, the root of all the perils in his life.

He left the room and went to his own, sitting down on his bed and holding his head. After a while, he calmed down. Oh, _why_ had he said it to Potter? Harry was just a baby. Why couldn't he control his anger?

He felt so unstable these days, a mechanical circuit programmed to explode every few seconds. He felt nearly _insane_. He needed to make amends. He couldn't do this anymore.

Snape went back to Harry's room and wordlessly picked up the baby from the cot. He conjured up a chair and sat down, pulling Harry close. Harry whimpered and struggled in his hold.

"I didn't mean that. I _don't_ hate you. Not as much as I did," Snape said, softly. "You're just a child."

Just admitting that he did not hate Potter as much as he used to before, calmed Snape down. A lot of problems were arising, including the dizzy spell one, but he would face them all. He just had to stay calm and stable and not pop.

"Evrus!" Harry squeaked, now burrowing closer. "Lovey!"

And Snape let him do it.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Author's Note:** Yes, just more plot-developing in this chapter. I think the next chapter is a semi-climax. Hope you guys enjoy. Please review. The next chapter will be be more interesting and longer.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, all rights go to J. K. Rowling.

**ABANDONED**

CHAPTER SEVEN

Snape and Harry were invited to Dumbledore's house for a little party. Snape didn't really want to go but he had to. So he dressed up and dressed Harry up too. At six o'clock, they went to Dumbledore's house and knocked at the door.

"Ooo!" Harry giggled, bouncing in Snape's arms. He loved when they had a 'walk'.

Snape held him, waiting patiently.

After a moment, Dumbledore swung open the door and said, "Ah! I'm so glad that you could come. ANd how are you Harry?"

Harry giggled.

"Yes, come inside." Dumbledore beamed, moving aside so Snape had room to pass.

Snape scanned the guests; there was Professor McGonagall, some female teacher he did not recognise, Hagrid, Professor Quirrel and Professor Charity, whom he did not know very well.

He sat down, holding Harry. Quirrel immediately began talking to him and while they talked, the female teacher looked at Harry.

Harry's hair was messy, his clothes ruffled and un-ironed. The boy looked rather scruffy and kept clinging to Snape, who paid no attention to him.

She frowned and turned to Dumbledore. "Poor boy, doesn't really look in good shape, does he?"

"Well, it's hardly Severus's fault. He has enough troubles on his mind." Dumbledore said, reasonably.

The get-together was actuallY mildly fun. They talked and laughed and discussed and ate and drank. Snape drank especially deeply. Then Dumbledore began to talk about Christmas which was only a few days away.

Snape got up after a while, saying that he was going to the kitchen to get Harry some water.

He walked to Dumbledore's shiny kitchen and accio-ed a glass. He filled it with water and brought the glass to Harry's swollen lips. Harry drank greedily, his tiny fingers clawing at the sides of the vessel. When the baby seemed thoroughly quenched, Snape pulled the glass away. Harry looked up at him gratefully and snuggled closer than ever. It had been ten minutes or so and Snape was just about to return to the living room when he heard the female Professor saying something to Dumbledore, as they passed by the kitchen, on their way to the dining room:

"...I don't think Severus is coping very well. Harry needs a mother,"

Rage consumed Snape. He placed Harry on the slab and whipped out his wand.

Before the woman could see what was happening, a hex was aimed right at her.

Dumbledore blocked it just in time and looked at Snape in astonishment.

"I'm coping just fine, thank you!" Snape snapped. "I don't need you to talk behind my back,"

"Severus!" Dumbledore said. "What is the meaning of this?"

"And there you are agreeing with her! You can take him then-if you both think that I'm not coping!" Snape said.

The woman looked horrified. "The man is deranged,"

Snape advanced upon her, Harry squealing frightenedly from his place on the slab, as his guardian raised his wand threateningly. But Dumbledore stopped him mid-way, a firm expression on his face.

"Don't be so foolish," he said. "Calm down, both of you. I don't want any fights. Severus, please take Harry. He is crying,"

Snape shot Dumbledore and the woman the dirtiest look he could muster and went to pick Harry up, who sniffled into his hair. They felt soft and silky and slightly oily to him.

Dumbledore hustled the lady away as Snape fumed in the kitchen, just standing in one place and holding harry, furious.

Dumbledore soon returned and the old man looked at Severus disapprovingly.

"I am quite shocked at your behavior, Severus!" Dumbledore said, sternly. "_How_ can you hex a guest like that?"

"She-"

"Yes, I know what she said, but that is still not a proper reason for you to act in such a way. You _need_ to calm down, Severus."

Snape blinked and suddenly he seemed to loose all of his remaining strength. He visibly gave up and drooped, shoulders hunching slightly. He sighed, "I apologise, Dumbledore. I don't know what's wrong with me nowadays. I feel so angry all the time."

"It'll pass," Dumbledore promised. "You need to control yourself. These days will pass,"

Snape's voice was cracked as he replied: "I can't stop thinking about her. Maybe the woman was right. Maybe I _am_ not coping," He made a move to hand Harry to Dumbledore, but Harry squealed and clung to him, burying his little head into his shoulder. "No Evrus!" He said, warningly.

Dumbledore's lips twitched. "Harry needs you," he explained, softly. "He loves you Severus, and you just need to grow to care for him, too. Doing things for Lily and in her honour is all very fine and noble-but if you do something for Harry himself..._that_ will be a noble thing. It shows your strength and how hard you worked to overcome the grudge, the hurdle of the past."

Snape sighed. "The boy hates me just as much I hate him,"

"No, he doesn't. Trust me."

Snape looked at Harry reluctantly who was leaning on his shoulder, the folds of his robes clutched tightly in his chubby fingers. The baby was rubbing his cheek against them.

Snape sighed again. Heavily. "I should be going now," he said.

"I understand. I hope you have a-er-good time." Dumbledore showed him to the door. Before waving him off, the old man said one last thing: "Remember, you need to care for Harry and be strong for him. Don't wallow in the past, stick to the present. Lily Potter has gone, but Harry is still here and he needs you."

On the walk home, Snape thought about these words and his head cleared a little.

Harry looked up at him while they walked. "Everus pway?" He whispered.

Snape stared at him, thoughtfully. The green eyes grew big and pleading. "Yes," Snape said, softly.

It was a start. It was realization.

XXX

That night Snape tucked Harry in bed, his mind pre-occupied. He didn't want to be a monster and that was just what he was becoming. He glanced at the window, his reflection showing. His dark hair, his wide eyes.

"Potter..." he whispered as he looked back, down at the boy.

And believe it or not, Harry said 'Evrus' back, reaching out a chubby hand to grasp the long, black strand of hair hovering just above him.


End file.
